as days pass, i realize i often get stuck in a cycle of trying to get things perfectly and botching doing anything at the end of the day... it's tough getting to like 19:00 and realizing i've yet to have done anything really important for the day
like how do all these people manage to do all the schoolwork so well and still have time to go out and have fun? i just feel very very inefficient, and it's a hard feeling to have... i wish stuff was a bit easier; if i didn't have to worry about money, if i didn't need to do things just for a job, life would be easier. i hate that i constantly have to do things that frustrate me, as i try to code and fix stuff but never manage to do it as efficiently as expected...
i put deadlines, i put restrictions, and i still arrive at 22:00 everyday and say "whoa, what did i do today?" even if i did something. it never feels enough. and when breaks arrive i don't feel as worthy of having rest, so it's a really hard situation.
in the end, i just wish my only worry was to study, and i feel all again for the people that have to work and study at the same time everyday. it's not easy, and it drains so much of your life. i want to be able to do things that bring me joy, and that's maybe why i sometimes resort to procrastination, as i find it really frustrating to make mistakes... it's a tough life!
